Forever, promise
by XxNever meant to CryxX
Summary: AU. Camp rock didn't happen. He's looking at me strangley, it's just me and yet when I look back, he's moved futher away. "It doesn't have to be this way!" Yet, I know it does. Deep down, the heart can no longer pound. Rated T for themes. One-shot.


**A/N: Best to read this while listenning to What You Own - RENT **

**Preferably the one from the movie recording. Sung by Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp.**

* * *

Sitting on the musky dust covered couch waiting for the so called doctor to come and speak to me, I see him. Looking at me like I'm some disease ridden rat, I look away from him, thinking it's just me. Yet when I look back, he's moved further away.

"_The test results are coming in today. Then everything will be okay."_

He told that. He told you he wouldn't care. He told you together forever. Yet why does it seem that forever is over? That the clock has been broken and time itself has left for another town, another Rome.

The receptionist is smoking a cigarette the smell filling my nostrils reminding me of what was just last year when him and I were injecting ourselves with heroin driven to it by the crunch of the man. It seemed like a good idea, like the perfect escape together.

Then I got sick; Cold hands, fever and hair falling out. I thought it was stress, just another cold, due to Benny turning off my power. He told me then, _maybe there's a chance…_, I looked at him then like he was the maddest man on earth. Now he seems like the smartest.

The old man with crinkle hands finally emerged from the back room. He's eyes wondered till they found the only other people in the room, us. Calling my name I nodded stood up and walked alone to the door opposite the entrance.

I turned back to see him, sitting there like I was a ghost. As soon as the door was closed he sighed and sat down in the plush leather chair, leaving me standing there like some hat hanger. "Miss, I'll keep this quick." I gulped down the salvia building in me throat as he told me the news.

Tears streamed down as I looked out to the sky of east village. Dark and gray as it would be for late fall New York. "I'll be on my way then." I told him opening the door before sprinting for the exit. No longer did I expect for him to follow me.

I ran to the lamp post unlocking my bike as quickly as I could, I'd pedal my way to Alphabet City alone.

* * *

Lying on the cold floor of the New York balcony I sighed as rain flew onto my face and all around the place. "SPEAK!" The voice machine said signaling someone was calling the apartment. "Throw down the keys, please." BEEP. _His voice _the voice of my so called Angel, the voice of reason, the voice that I know is and will be right.

The keys I had laid next to my head as I laid there earlier were now in my hands as I chucked them over the side of the balcony, down to the awaiting man, down to the awaiting clan.

Moments or was it minutes later the whole group was facing my still frame. "So, you an all American Idiot Diseased Sin? Or was it negative?" The voice of Nate said smiling over me.

_He has no idea._

"The 1990's what a decade to die, right?" I said getting up and climbing down the fire escape. The neighbors below me were used to this sort of route as I generally did not escape out the front door.

"You know it doesn't have to be like that!!" Caitlyn's voice rang from the balcony as I walked away down the street.

"But tell him Cait, so much for fucking be my perfect mate!!" I yelled flipping the bird at my friends before running to the corner of Avenue B. Is it' great running from those you love, but now chose to hate?

* * *

_Keep running, keep running. I'll be by your side tonight._

Ella used to be so great. Then she died of aids. Am I destined to end the same way? Or will I be a lucky one to live another day? Ella used to tell me that you have to play a game with aids, fight it head on and you'll soon be gone. Keep a steady attack and you'll have it set for a good chance.

But in the end, we all get the same fate. And with the rate for an AZT break? Live to see the new millennium? Or die in the 90's like Ella want to try to make it too.

Jason has made it three years so far. But he got it from sex, not from needles like Ella and I. What do I leave if I make to the decade?

What do I leave if I die the next day? Living in America at the end of the millennium, you're what you own.

* * *

Voices surround me as I attempt to break away. "Relax, it's us." The familiarity of Peggy's voice does not help. "Leave me alone." I say as I attempt to shiver away. "Come on." _He pleads._ He picks me up like a fireman, over the shoulder as I shiver.

The group, I presume due to the fact it's nearly mid night and there are no street lights, are carrying me back to Nate's apartment. Not to mine due to the fact hey, you sleep there we shouldn't let you stay there.

_Their scared you know how to get out of your place better than there place. They want you to stay. _

I'm laid on the kitchen counter top of Nate's place. _He _used to live with Nate now_ he_ lives with you. "We need some heat." _He says. _I open my eyes to see his big brown eyes stare into mine. "Leave me the fuck alone." I yelled at him.

He looks at me just like the other day. He's scared of me, thinks' I've changed, Thinks' now that I've got Aids that I'm not the same. If anything he's changed. But the stare is made up of another emotion one I don't know.

"Please." I gasp for breath as he backs up slowly, still by my side though. "I need to talk to Nate, alone." I gasp again. _He _knows, _he _knows he's got aids also. Cause the fact we've used all the same stuff, he knows' he's a goner also. The group leaves to go to my apartment down stairs.

And I'm left there, with dear old "I'm the only one in the group without aids." Before I can finish my thought he's spoken what I was about to think. "Poor you!" I yell.

"It doesn't have to be this way, you know." Nate raises his voice. Its funny this is the fight I should be having with _him. _"Tell it to Shane." I say, spitting the name. "He's scared, you have been pale of late, and you've lost a lot of weight."

"Very deep and considerate Mr. I am upset I'm going to make it to the next decade!" The look he gives me, surprises me, it's not angry, if anything; it's disappointment. "He thinks' you're not going to make it!"

The one tone of voice I don't expect from Nate, one that's harsh and hateful. "Is it wonderful living in bloody fucking America?" My voice is the same tone as his was. I expect the same back, yet what I get puts me so far off track. "You know you're not alone." There in black and white written a story of so many lives.

_Don't breathe too deep_  
_Don't think all day_  
_Dive into work_  
_Drive the other way_  
_That drip of hurt_  
_That pint of shame_  
_Goes away_  
_Just play the game_

_You're living in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_

_You're living in America_  
_Leave your conscience at the tone_

_And when you're living in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_  
_You're what you own_

_The filmmaker cannot see_

_and the songwriter cannot hear_

_Yet I see Mimi everywhere_

_Angel's voice is in my ear_

_Just tighten those shoulders_

_Just clench your jaw til you frown_

_Just don't let go_

_Or you may drown_

_You're living in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_  
_You're living in America_  
_Where it's like the twilight zone_

_And when you're living in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_  
_You're what you own_

_So I own not a notion_  
_I escape an ape content_  
_I don't own emotion- I rent_

_What was it about that night_

_What was it about that night_

_Connection- In an isolatiing age_

_For once the shadows gave way to light_

_For once the shadows gave way to light_

_For once I didn't disengage_

_Angel- I hear you- I hear it_  
_I see it- I see it my film!_

_Mimi-I see you- I hear it-_  
_I hear it-_  
_I hear it my song_

_Alexi-Mark_  
_Call me a hypocrite_  
_I need to finish my_  
_Own film_  
_I quit!_

_One song glory_  
_Mimi your eyes_

_Dying in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_  
_We're dying in America_  
_To come into our own_

_And when you're dying in America_  
_At the end of the millennium_  
_You're not alone_

_I'm not alone_  
_I'm not alone._

The inked words take me by surprise when I realize that they wrote it. "Shane and I, we've lived this before. He doesn't want the same outcome."

"Man, you really are dumb." The bitterness dripping from my voice, as I scream the words. "How long have I had the symptoms?" Nate's face drops no longer looking at me but at the wooden floor that separates' us from our friends who surely can hear everything we say.

It hits him, like it hit Shane and like it hit me. "How long?" I ask in a more rushed voice. "A year." Is the soft voice Nate produces, his eyes lift to me his as watery as mine. "A year, do you know how long I've had him look at me like I'm already gone?" Silence falls for seconds before I whisper "525 600 minutes, and just that stare." The eyes once so filled of life you can no longer remember.

Now they're replaced by Nate's sorrowing tears. As I begin to grapple for breathe again and are forced to hang onto the scratchy orange sofa. It is then when I see his face change again completely, he's no longer crying but running towards me fear stricken along his moon-tan face.

When everything blurs and voices are slurred, when the group runs back in. When tears are striking down, when they all say their goodbyes to my laying form, when he kisses me fiercely putting all of our lives into that moment. When I grasp onto his warm hand and gasp for the words _I love you._ As I take another shallow breath after he breaks the kiss. With all my strength that I have left they will be the last words to leave my ice cold blue lips.

"Good luck in the next millennium."

* * *

**A/N: I know you all hate me, but I needed to put this out to try out a different writing style. It may not seem that different from my old writing style but the way I wrote it was different, and how I got the inspiration was different.**

**But basically reviews= love= updation (not sure if real word) of Behind the Scenes will happen quicker.**

**Till then**

**Love**

**NMTC**


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